drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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