I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Randomize
