Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
Randomize
