I must be too annoying 4 u.
Having a random hookup so left but love u
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
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