You made me cry and you don't even care
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
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