He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
I don't deserve a penis
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
Randomize
