I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
