Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Randomize
