this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
I know her cup size but not her name....
Randomize
