Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
he quoted the bible to break up with me
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Randomize
