problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
Randomize
