i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Randomize
