im six kinds of drunk right now
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize
