I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Randomize
