Well apparently he's into motor boating.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
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