Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
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