even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
