It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
