I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
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