I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
Randomize
