hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
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Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
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