I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
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