I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
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