Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
Randomize
