hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
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like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
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why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
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