I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
