did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
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