I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
