Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Randomize
