So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
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