I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
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