I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
