i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Randomize
