You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
