Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
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