Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
