u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
Randomize
