Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize