Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize
