i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
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I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
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