Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
