He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
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