The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Randomize
