Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
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