Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
Randomize
