you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
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