A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
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