yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
Randomize
