She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
Randomize
