The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
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