Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
Randomize
