Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
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