Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
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