Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Randomize
