So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
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