fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
