matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
Randomize