I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Randomize
