i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
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