my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
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