finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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