girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
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