i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
Randomize
