you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize
