dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
Randomize
