i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
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