oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
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