I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
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