She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
If that guy asks u bout me, I said my name is Jenelle, from CT, I'm a cat behiavor consultant and I'm 29. Back my story up
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
Randomize