He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
