if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
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