I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
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