White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
Less talking, more tequila
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
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