when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
Randomize