paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
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