how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
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