i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
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