I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
I party with great urgency now.
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