He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
